1Corinthians 13:4-7
The other day I was having one of those days where you just feel like you cant win. You question everything, the way you parent, your ability to be a wife, aunt, sister friend. Heck I found myself doubting the way I interacted with the cashier at Target.
Kelly and I were able to have thirty minutes alone to talk, in a house with five very active sometimes too needy children is in itself a miracle and I truly believe that God gave us those thirty minutes.
I asked Kelly if he ever regrets marrying me. I mean he is so amazing dependant, and reliable. I feel so blessed to be married to this man. I feel that I bring so much baggage from my past that how could he not at least question marrying me.
I am not an easy woman to live with. I have the type of personality that can sometimes be overwhelming. I say it how it is and at times do not filter enough. I get overwhelmed and regress back to a passive aggressive teenager. I hold things in too long and do not ask for help because I fear being let down. These are all the things I see in myself. I had know idea that anyone else could see anything different.
Kelly's response was the following "Channin, not for a minute have I ever regretted marrying you. Your past is what has created you to be the strong woman you are. You have persevered through so much. Because of this you have helped me to also persevere through all that we have been through, and what we are going through now." You are an amazing wife and mother you fight for our kids needs, you can read them so well and know what they need. You are a great friend who goes above and beyond to help others. I love you more than you know."
It wasn't easy to just listen to what he had to say because in my mind I was saying "Ya but" the entire time. After we spoke I went to have some alone time. I told myself that I cannot doubt this man. He loves me, and I love him. I know I love him because when he is hurting, I feel it. When I look at him sometimes I get a lump in my throat. I love him that much. I love the way he is always willing to help me. Even when it feels like he does more around the house than I do. I love watching him interact with our kids. He spends two hours going through Avery's bedtime routine every night and never complains. He plays minecraft with the kids even though he has no idea what he is doing. He rides scooters with Ella, and plays football with her. He holds me when I am scared, and allows me space when I don't know what I need or want. He has to love me to do all of those things.
Our marriage isn't perfect, no marriage is. I wouldn't trade what we have for anything. He is mine and I am his. I thank God everyday for my amazing, quirky, absentminded professor.
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