I soon began to dream about what you would look like. Boy or Girl? Avery insisted you were a baby brother while your cousin Cody asked for a robot. I wondered abouy your eyes. Would they be blue like your brother and sister? Would your hair start out red like Ella's, or dark like Avery's? Would you wear Ella's peach dedication dress or Avery's shirt and tie? I did not care as long as you were healthy.
When I first felt you kick I began to think about your little feet running up and down the hallway trying to keep up with your big brother and sister. I pictured you dimpled smile and dreamed about your laugh. I bet it would have been infectious like Avery's.
Then all my dreams came to crashing halt on a dreary March day, when your daddy and I sat in a dark room waiting to see you. However, there was something wrong. Your heartbeat was gone. I didn't understand, it was there just two weeks ago. Things were going so well. Mommy was working incredibly hard to make herself healthy for you and your brother and sister. The doctors says that it was not her fault. That is was a "genetic deformity" Genetic deformity or not Mommy and Daddy did not want to let you go so soon. We decided that you needed a name. We named you Christian Jacobs. Christian means follower of Christ and Jacobs after great grandma Anna.
Christian, Mommy and Daddy promise you we will meet again. Until then my sweet Christian, Allow Jesus to hold you. Until then you will be our angel. We love you Christian Jacobs Hoover.
Love- Mommy, Daddy, Avery and Ella
Dear Christian,
I cannot believe it has been 5 years since I read this at your memorial. You would have been starting Kindergarten this fall, probably would have done Karate with your brother and sister. I most likely would have just signed you up for soccer just as I did for Ella and Avery.
Ella talks about you and Liam often. I sometimes feel bad that I speak so openly about you two because I see the hurt in her eyes when she is asking why you could not stay here with us. But you are always going to be our little boys no matter how long you stayed here with us. I have no answers to her question and it hurts so badly some days. She draws pictures of you always with Liam always with angel wings. She says that she knows you guys are together and Uncle Shaney is taking good care of you. Your cousin Cole that was named after you is so different from the other kids in our family we know that he has a piece of each of you in his bubbly personality. Baby I don't know why God wanted you up there and I would change anything to have been able to keep you. But I do know that God has a huge plan for us down here and we are going to need our Angels to protect us and keep us safe. We love you!
Mommy, Daddy, Avery and Ella
